Too many "me"s.

Sometimes I wonder who I am. Is that a weird thing to wonder? Not only do I wonder who I am, but I also wonder if other people know who they are. Really the only reason I want to know about others is for comparison purposes. Am I the only one who feels this confused?

My personality changes to match the people I'm around. Quite drastically, actually. When I'm with my high school friends, I revert back to my crazy-loud-high-school-self. When I'm with my college friends I revert back to my energetic-social-self. When I'm in class I revert back to my quiet-self-conscious-student-self. I have a friend-self, professional-self, family-self, ward-self, dating-self, etc...

So - who am I?

Am I the person I'm the most comfortable being?

Am I the person it's the easiest to be?

Am I the person closest to who I feel I should be?

Am I the person I most want to be?

Somehow I feel that I should be able to combine all of these people into one, but for some reason it seems to be much harder said than done.

Anyway, I'm not necessarily looking for answers... this is just something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I've decided that it is time to do something about this question. No, I haven't decided what that might be, but... something.

Sometimes I get tired of all of the confusing thoughts rattling around in my head. :)

I remember...

I remember a time when I would pass notes back and forth with my friends, sure that my teacher had no idea.

I remember a time when I would text in class- pleased at how discreet I could be.

I remember a time when my classroom notes would be nothing more than a few words covered in a massive amount of strange looking pictures and scribbles.

I remember a time when I would sit in class wondering why the other students seemed to care about the discussion more than I did.

I remember being the quiet student sitting in the back of the room watching the clock moving ever so slowly.

I remember these times.

How do I remember them so well?

Because each one of them happened this week in my first graduate course.

Some things never change. :)

(And yes... yes I am writing this in class.)

Once upon a very long year.

I started my blog in April of 2008. In 2008 I posted 11 posts. 2009 I wrote 20 posts. Here we are halfway through 2010 and this is post number... 3. I want everyone to guess when exactly it was that I crossed from my worry-free life into my grown-up-responsibility-filled life. Any guesses?? Yeah. You got it. Right in-between the 20 and 3.

The school year ended about 2 1/2 weeks ago. I've been school free for a little while now, and let me just tell you... it's a.m.a.z.i.n.g. Really, I've just appreciated not having to get up so early!

I'm not really sure how to put into one short, condensed segment what this year of teaching was like. I have learned more in this one year than I could have even imagined! I was hired a very short time before school started and had no time to prepare. Unfortunately I hadn't been planning to teach choir at all, so the short-notice heads up was really quite a bit of a problem. For the first month I was literally keeping one day ahead of the students... if that. :) I slowly got ahead, little by little. From August until mid March I was at school everyday from 7:30 A.M. until about 9:00 P.M. Weekends? Nothing more than a chance to grade papers and prepare lesson plans from my house. Once March was halfway over I was able to get out at a more normal sort of a time.

So many teachers talk about how much they love the kids they teach. After a couple of months of teaching I realized that I truly didn't feel that connection. I had an honest desire for the students to do well in their lives, but felt no emotional connection. It made me sad because I had always assumed I'd be the kind of a teacher to create bonds with students, the way I felt bonds with certain teachers when I was a teenager. I didn't know what I was doing wrong to miss that attachment. I evaluated my classroom atmosphere and teaching style and decided that there were a few things that needed to be adjusted. I needed to start trying to see the kids more as people and less as... kids who could misbehave at any second (not that that feeling ever entirely left!). Cutting out all of the details (because I'm lazy)- things got much better and by the end of the year... I was truly sad to see (some of) them go. :) At the 8th graders "graduation ceremony"- I actually had to fight to not be emotional.

I don't know how it happened, but over the course of the year I turned in to the teacher that was known for being super strict. I NEVER thought I would be that kind of a teacher, but... I totally am! One of the parents told me that the students described me as "super strict, but way cool." Seriously- I think that is the ultimate compliment! I'll take it.

At graduation all 6 of the students that finished middle school with a solid 4.0 spoke. All of them were also in show choir and a few of them talked about some of their teachers in their speeches. At the beginning of the year I had a discussion with each of the classes and we were talking about rewards they would like for following the rules and I honestly don't remember what she really said, but I thought one of the girls suggested "boating" as a reward. It turned into a huge inside joke with that class and somehow got extended to a sleep over/boating trip. This same student during her speech mentioned our class boating trip and it totally made my day! One of the students told us what he learned from each teacher and he said, "From Ms. Dodge I learned the keys to music and self-discipline," and I'm not kidding you when I say that everyone started laughing! Both students and parents! It was pretty dang funny. The vice principal at my school told me that it was very unusual to have so many students mention the same teacher in their speeches. He said I should take it as quite a compliment. It was a good ceremony but between the students speaking and the show choir singing one last time, I just kept thinking, "I have been looking forward to this day ever since the first day of school- it's not fair to make me emotional about it!!" I really will miss them.

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Now, on to the good stuff. Middle school kids are DANG FUNNY! They say the funniest things, and honestly, I wish I had written the good stuff down, but I didn't. Every single day there were at least two or three times that I would think, "Uh, did you really just say that?" or "Did you really just DO that?" I'll tell you some of the funnier stories that I can remember.

I wish I could tell you how true this comic is. :)

In one of my choir classes we got onto a bit of a tangent about frisbees. I was telling them how cool my light-up frisbee was and how much fun it was to play with at night. One girl looked a little confused at the whole concept and finally said, "Wait. YOU have a light-up frisbee? How do you play frisbee? Do you pick it up and throw it... then chase it across the room, pick it up and throw it again?? Do you just keep chasing after it??" I just stared at her for a minute and then burst out laughing. I told her that contrary to popular belief, I actually had some friends outside of the school. It was the best. We all laughed about that one for a while.

I don't remember what we were talking about- I think it had something to do with some TV show or something, but one of the girls says, "You're so cool, Ms. Dodge! You're almost like a real person!"

During teacher appreciation week I received quite a few nice notes from students. Some were anonymous and some were not, but I KNOW they weren't all genuine. I think the student government teacher had all of her students write notes to each of their teachers. My absolute F.A.V.O.R.I.T.E. one went something a little bit like this:

Dear Ms. Dodge, (scribble, scribble, scribble)

Thanks for being such a great teacher and you have a great voice.

James

After a bit of studying I was finally able to read the text beneath the scribbling:

Dear Ms. Dodge, A.K.A. SATAN

Thanks for being such a great teacher and you have a great voice.

James

:) I think I sat alone in my classroom laughing for 10 minutes straight. The thing is... I don't think "James" would have said that, so I think it was added afterward by another student. How cute.

One day during boy's choir I said, "Remember when we talked about breath control?" They all stared at me. They actually looked frightened. We all stared at each other for a second until I realized the problem. "BREATH control- I said, BREATH control!" I clarified. The relief on their faces was pretty much the funniest thing ever. I, myself, never thought that breath and breast sounded all that alike, but clearly I was wrong! I couldn't use the phrase 'breath control' again.

At the beginning of theatre class one day a boy came up and asked, "Ms. Dodge, why do we keep doing all of this acting stuff?" Uh... I don't even know how to answer that. "Well... because this is a THEATRE class." "Oh."

After telling the class how something was going to happen one boy said (with the attitude that he was really going to shock me), "Your class isn't a very good democracy!" Yeah. Cause I really WANT a classroom democracy.

Raging Waters Day: A girl asks, "Ms. Dodge, why aren't you swimming?" I gave some vague response like not having a suit with me. She says, "Oh... that's too bad cause all of the boys really wanted to see you in a swimming suit." Ah. THAT'S why.

Girl: "Ms. Dodge, did you dye your hair?"

Me: "Yeah."

Girl: "Oh. What color did you want it to be?"

Huh.

I'll probably add more of these as I remember them.

If only it could be done.

I'm not much of a winter person, so for me- spring is always quite welcome! There is one major downside, however. Spiders. All the spiders wake up.

*Wake up? I don't know so much about the waking up bit. Where do they come from? They don't hibernate, do they? And it can't be that all of their nasty little eggs hatch at the same time, because then they'd all be tiny. They just suddenly come back when it warms up. Maybe they fly south for the winter. Oh. Man. I really wish I hadn't typed that, because now I'm thinking about what sort of HORROR FLYING spiders would bring!! Well... I've just found something else to be grateful for.

Spiders don't fly.*

I wish there was a way to teach spiders. If I could just help them learn that coming into my house is a bad idea, we'd all be a lot happier. But there is no way to teach this! See, I strongly believe in the death penalty for any spiders found inside, so the learning curve is really quite steep. Maybe I just need to find two of them... kill one and release the second into the wild to warn the others.

Thoughts??

Sun Valley-oh-nine

So I wish that I could say that I have tons to catch up on, but... really I don't. :) Here is the catch-up (not to be confused with ketchup- the creamy tomato based sauce): I work. A lot. Alllllllllllllllllll day, in fact. No, really. Also I went to Sun Valley over Christmas. Alrighty. Now that I've caught you up with my life...

Can I just say that Sun Valley is the coolest place ever?? This was my second year in the group. Pretty much I plan to go until I die. That, or until I... stop going.

Basically we perform every night, and play every day. :) Last year was my first time learning to snowboard, and this year we went boarding almost every day. I love it!! I'm not great, but good enough. It's funny that I love it as much as I do since I've never cared for skiing. Anyway.







Yeah... totally forgot my shoes on the last day when I had to turn my rentals back in. Oops. Riding the bus home was somewhat humorous.

My parents, Brian, and Amber were able to make it to Sun Valley for a couple of days. I loved them coming!


I love the costumes we get to wear. They are so much fun! Last year there were two groups of singers, but this year there was only one. The costumes I wore last year weren't used this time, so I got new ones. Last year's were super cool, too.








Well... sorry for a kind of boring post! I just wanted to get these pictures up. Till next year, Sun Valley!